morrowlife

Here are Shannon, Andy, and Mark in the dining area (mess hall?) of a WWII-era submarine in Baltimore. Great Art courtesy of my good old Minolta camera, taken during our holiday trip to Baltimore that year, and part of my famous Shannon, Machinery, and Vacation series.

My mom went home today. We had a very nice visit and she really helped me over some very large humps. More humps to go, of course, but she was here during a very difficult time. Thanks, Mom.

Mark and I had a quiet day. We stayed inside and pretty much relaxed. Had stuff from the freezer for dinner – not much excitement there, but it was fine.

I had a fairly long conversation with my PhotoDoc partner John this evening. His speech at the AAFS conference was today, and the response was excellent! He had several people come up to him after the speech and ask him how to get a copy of our software. We have it available for download as a demo, but I still haven’t set up the payment system for it. Need to get that accomplished this weekend.

My brothers and sisters got together and sent us a bunch of frozen meals! They arrived today. It all looks great! Thanks so much, brothers and sisters! Mark and I will get a lot of mileage out of that excellent stuff.

And now we come to what might be my best idea of the day or possibly my worst idea of the day. I was going through my emails today (including all the numerous emails directed to Shannon – I’m working on getting her various subscriptions undone) and I saw one from Carnival Cruise Lines. They’ve suffered a bit of bad PR in recent years, and the deals seem pretty good right now. I signed up for one leaving at the beginning of March and spending a week on the Mexican Riviera. Well, it spends a few days at sea, but there are two days in Cabo San Lucas and one day in Puerto Vallarta. The price was quite reasonable, and they’re not even charging me extra for occupying a cabin by myself.

I’m still trying to decide whether this is a good idea or not. I’ve been on a bunch of memorable cruises with Shannon, including one to the Mexican Riviera four years ago this month, and I’m very worried  that being on a ship by myself and going places Shannon and I visited before will be too depressing for words. Even if that doesn’t happen, I’m worried being on a cruise by myself will be boring. Could happen. Especially if I can’t convince myself to get out of the cabin, be with people, and even – horrors! – make a friend or two.

Things in favor of going: I’ve always loved cruising, it may be really good for me to get away and think and be alone, I haven’t been on a real vacation since before Shannon got sick, and I really want to get my new life started.

Should I wait a bit longer? Maybe. I don’t know. Doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve already paid for the trip. I’m going. I asked both my sisters and my daughter if they thought it was a good idea, and the vote was unanimous in the affirmative. Plus, it’s already paid for. Did I mention that? And the price was great. I’ll try to remember to take some pictures.

Note to house burglars – Mark will still be home. So you can just go ahead and burgle somebody else’s house.

Emotions rose to the surface only once today. I don’t call that either good or bad. It’s just what happened today. All I know is I miss Shannon.

And I’ll let that be all for today. I’ll leave my Loyal Readers with this exciting Morrowlife Employment Agency job opportunity: yawning chimp!

See you on Monday.

Here are Shannon, Katie, and Belle striking an incredibly cute pose on my 46th birthday. Looks like Shannon was taking her usual birthday photos as they lavished gifts on me. Great Art courtesy of my old Minolta camera, taken in our family room in Virginia, and part of my famous Shannon and Event series.

Today was my mom’s last day here. We take her to the airport at about noon tomorrow. I’ve really enjoyed her visit, but she needs to get home so she can get ready to visit Tony in Florida in another week.

We went and visited downtown Boulder City and downtown Henderson this afternoon. Had lunch at a place in Boulder City that Guy Fieri had featured in his TV show. The food was good. The downtowns weren’t all that much.

Not a lot of other news. I haven’t forgotten about Shannon, of course. I think about her constantly. I still have frequent moments thinking “I can’t wait to show/tell this to Shannon!” Then, immediately: “Crap.” That’s my old life. I miss my old life. I miss my wife. I miss my love. I miss my happiness. But that life, that wife, that love, and that happiness are in the past. My new happiness is in the future.

I keep telling myself that. But it’s really hard to turn and face the future and start to move forward. I want to keep looking back and remembering and feeling, even if just for a brief moment, how I felt before. So much is unchanged – my surroundings, my possessions, my work, my feelings, my emotions, myself. But those things need to be the building blocks of my new life. I want my new life. I do. But I still want my old life even more, I think. That can’t be, so I must learn to let that go. How, Loyal Readers? How?

Shannon was in my dreams last night. It wasn’t anything unusual or significant – we were just living life. She was getting a new car and I was trying to decide whether to keep her old one for myself. It was nice. I suspect those dreams will fade with time. I don’t want them to.

And I need to quit for tonight. I’ll leave my Loyal Readers with this shocking food violence news: diner chainsaw attack!

See you tomorrow.

Here are Shannon, Mark, Andy, and Belle out for a walk during one of our fun, fun campouts somewhere in Virginia. Or possibly somewhere else, like Pennsylvania. I don’t remember much about that walk other than that it was kind of muddy and absolutely beautiful. Also that it was part of a beautiful, fun campout. Great Art courtesy of my good old Minolta camera and part of my famous Shannon and Camping series

We had another pleasant day. My mom and I went to the Ethel M Chocolate Factory at about noon, for a walk through their cactus garden and a self-guided tour through the chocolate factory. They weren’t making any chocolates right at the moment, but we did get to watch a few people packing candy. We had a nice time.

Otherwise another quiet day. In fact, I can’t quite remember what we did. Oh, we went to Pei Wei for dinner tonight. Really enjoyed it, as usual. And now we’re watching an old episode of The Big Bang Theory. Fun!

No new insights today. I posted a notice to the Book Nook blog telling of Shannon’s loss, dedicating the blog to her memory, and announcing that Katy will be posting in the future. I included one of my favorite pictures of Shannon, which I just got printed at Costco and now have in a frame on my bookshelf. I also posted the same content to the Book Nook Facebook page. There have been lots of Likes and a few nice comments. She was really loved.

Don’t yet know exactly what we’ll do tomorrow. It’s my mom’s last day in Las Vegas. We are going for a brief visit in Boulder City. Otherwise, the plans are up in the air. She returns home on Friday. I need to have her at the airport by around noon that day.

And I’ll leave my Loyal Readers with this shocking food violence news: gelatin heist!

See you tomorrow.

Here’s my family – all of us together. I wish we had all been together more often as everybody grew up and left home. But this is what I have. Aren’t they all cute? Especially the beautiful woman to my left there. She was so pretty. And we were so happy. Great Art courtesy of my old Minolta camera (much better quality than the SiPix pictures, no?), taken in January 2003 in the family room of our house in Virginia, and part of my famous Shannon series.

What a beautiful family. I’m so lucky. I really am.

It was a pretty good day today. My new life has begun. Oh, how I wish I still had my old life. But that’s now a wonderful, happy memory. I still have that. But I also have my new life. Still don’t know what shape that will end up taking. But I do have it.

My mom and I went to the Bellagio casino today. We walked through their conservatory. Its size is a tiny fraction of the Longwood Gardens conservatory, but it was still nice. It’s attractively decorated for Chinese New Year right now. Recommended. We also looked around the rest of the facility and had lunch at their creperie. All in all, a pleasant visit.

Not much else happened today. We had barbecued chicken this evening and watched some TV. Then we all went to bed and I started writing in my blog. That about brings us up to date.

And it’s way late and I really should get to sleep. So I’ll make this short and end it here. I think I’m ready to get back to my regular blog features. So I’ll end today with this shocking food violence news: donut-fueled rage!

See you tomorrow.

Here are Shannon, Andy, and Mark getting ready for Easter 2003. As I recall, I was in Baikonur at the time and they wanted to help me feel a part of things at home, so they took a bunch of pictures of their activities for a few days. I loved getting them. Great Art courtesy of my good old SiPix camera, taken in the breakfast nook of our home in Virginia, and featuring my beautiful wife Shannon and our amazing youngest children Andy and Mark.

Another kind of quiet day today. The only time we got out of the house was to go to dinner. Which was a Japanese steakhouse with delicious food and the typical fun chef. So that was great. Otherwise, we relaxed, talked with family on the phone, watched a little TV, and relaxed.

Had a tough night and several emotional moments during the day. I think reality is finally really setting in for me. My life has changed. Shannon has gone on ahead and she’s not coming back. I’ve known that, of course, but I think I finally feel it. I grieve and grieve, and that changes nothing. I need to make a new life for myself, looking forward to great things to come while allowing my heart to remember the wonderful life we’ve had and all the happiness Shannon brought me. I think I’ve mentioned before that she left me the very most important thing of all – our amazing children and a legacy of love and kindness that will live in our hearts. I can build on that and make a bright future for all of us.

It’s still early – she passed away just two weeks ago yesterday. So the kids and I are allowed to grieve still. But at the same time, I’m starting to be ready to follow Shannon’s example yet again and start moving forward again.

To that end, I worked for a couple hours today. John needed some changes made to the PhotoDoc website, so I sat down and got them done. There’s lots more to do on that front, as well as a bunch of work to be done on Common Core Classroom. And then there are a bunch of changes I want to make to Morse Trainer – maybe even a way to monetize it just a little bit. I’m thinking unobtrusive ads here, but I don’t know for sure. Plus, Mark and I are working together on an Android development class. He caught up to me today, so we can start working on it together tomorrow. Lots to do, and I really need to be busy.

I think they cremated Shannon’s body on Friday evening, so I should be receiving the cremains soon. I’m so grateful her pain is over. That last month was especially hard for her as more and more things started to go wrong. She lived through so much.

My mom and I went through a few more of Shannon’s personal things today. Pretty much the only things left that hadn’t been sorted through in our bedroom were the “junk” drawers in her dresser and nightstand. We went through those and also her purse. There are some credit cards I need to take care of, so I left those out, and the rest of her little treasures are in a shoebox in my closet.

I found a photo album from our wedding and reception out in the garage today. What a treasure! We looked so young – especially me. What on earth was Shannon thinking? I guess she saw possibilities. Lucky thing for me that she did. That album is yet another treasure for me to cherish. I’ll have to see if I can figure out how to digitize some or all of those pictures without destroying the album.

And that’s it for now. See you tomorrow.