morrowlife

Here’s Shannon doing what she perhaps most loved to do during a campout – reading. Great Art courtesy of my old SiPix camera, taken at Jellystone Park Resort near Luray, Virginia, and featuring my dear wife Shannon.

That was a fun campout. It was one of the few times we stayed at a commercial campground. Fortunately, this one wasn’t just a big RV parking lot like so many other commercial places. This one had some open space (see the background of this photo, for example), some trees (ditto!), and a pool with a nice, big waterslide.

Another quiet day. Mark started working today on the Android class I’ve been taking. I put it on hold after week one because of Shannon’s death, but it’s time to start it back up. I’m excited we’re going to be doing it together.

My mom and I made a quick trip to Costco today, just to get out of the house. I found a couple things I would like to have, including a TV wall mounting bracket and . . . umm . . . something else I can’t remember right now. We also looked at a whole bunch of food items but didn’t buy anything. The lines were just too long to buy nothing but milk and bread. So we went to (shudder) Walmart for milk and bread. Otherwise, we pretty much watched TV all day.

Starting tomorrow, we’re going to pick something to do every day and go do it. I know my mom wanted to go explore the strip & downtown a bit and so do I. So we need to just go do it. Mark will be invited too, of course. We’ll find some other things too.

I opened the valentine from Shannon this morning. It was beautiful and had a sweet message. I want to share it here:

“Will you be my valentine? I love you!

“Thanks for hanging in there with me right to the end. I couldn’t have done any of this without you!

“I’m going to miss you so much.

“All of my love, Shannon”

Not a huge treatise, but it’s precious to me. It’s her last message to me. A week or so ago, I found myself wondering whether she misses me. I miss her so much. I won’t know the answer to that question for the rest of my life, but I will choose to believe she misses me and continues to love me. I think I need that.

I made this year’s Valentine’s Day cherry cheesecake. It’s not as good as the ones Shannon made for me these past many years, but it’s good. It both comforted me and made me sad. That’s been a recurring theme lately.

And that’s it for tonight. See you on Monday.

Here’s Shannon having lunch with Andy and Mark, somewhere in the woods a few steps away from our camping trailer. It’s pretty clear from this picture that we were in a beautiful park somewhere on the east coast. Man, did I love those campouts. We did a ton of exploring, spent plenty of time in our campsite reading and relaxing, and just about always had lunch at the campsite picnic table. Great Art courtesy of my old SiPix camera, taken somewhere in the woods of Virginia (probably), and featuring my beloved wife Shannon and our two youngest children.

Just to prove this was a camping lunch, here’s the same meal from another angle:

The first picture’s a whole lot more picturesque, no?

Pretty good day today. My mom and I went to Walmart for a few groceries, a new hose-end sprayer, and a new phone for Mom. Her old one’s earpiece wasn’t working very well anymore. We didn’t get anything fancy, but it works great and it just what she wanted.

Really nothing else to tell about today. We stopped at Panera for lunch after the Walmart trip was done. I had never eaten there before and I quite enjoyed it. Otherwise, we had dinner at home and spent the evening watching TV and trying (mostly unsuccessfully for her) not to fall asleep.

My heart is maintaining today. Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. I’ll be opening my final message from Shannon – the valentine she gave Katie for me. I’m excited to see what she wrote to me although I expect some tears. As Katie mentioned in her comment on yesterday’s post, it’s very hard to believe she’s really gone. I’ve been expecting the reality of her loss to hit me sometime in the near future. Right now, I’m hoping it takes as long as possible. I still feel Shannon’s presence and influence very strongly and I really want that to continue. Is that a mistake, Loyal Readers?

That’s it for tonight. See you tomorrow.

Here’s Shannon making sandwiches for the family on April 28, 2002. I count nine sandwiches there. We must have had a bit of a crowd. Great Art courtesy of my old SiPix camera, taken in the kitchen of our house in Virginia, and featuring my beautiful, wonderful wife Shannon. Serving us, as usual.

My mom and I got a few things done today. Mostly for me. We got my beloved pickup and the Mini smogged and washed. I then got online and renewed both of their registrations. Not cheap, but done. We also went over to the auto upholstery shop and picked out a new fabric for the beloved pickup’s seats. The guy there wasn’t able to get the original fabric, so we had to pick something close and he’s going to replace four panels instead of the one we originally expected to replace. I’ll take it back to him on Sunday to get the work done.

Let’s see, what else got done? I paid a couple of bills and worked a bit more on getting my bank account website set up to take over paying the bills. Making good progress in that area. I still need to get started on this year’s taxes. Sometime in the next few days for sure.

We didn’t really do anything regarding organizing Shannon’s things today. There’s already been lots of progress in that area. I think the next thing I need to look at is the craft shelf in the garage. There’s no rush, of course, but it makes me feel busy and happy and I feel very comforted as I go through her things, choose the truly important ones to keep, and find a way for the rest to bring happiness to someone else.

The loneliness is starting to build. I’m ready to ride it out, I think, but it promises to be a very difficult ride. Family is helping.

And it’s very late, so I’ll end here. See you tomorrow.

Here are (back row, left to right) Katie, Paul, Sandy, Scott, Shannon, Belle; and (front row, left to right) Annie’s friend (sorry I don’t remember her name), Andy, Mark, and Annie. Great art courtesy of my old SiPix camera (probably) and taken in our family room in Virginia by I have no idea who.

We had a nice weekend. Fewer tears than before. Andy, Paul, and Melissa got to their various destinations on time and had smooth flights. My mom got here on Sunday just about on schedule after a pleasant flight in first Class. We’ve enjoyed being together and I think it continues to be helpful to keep my mind occupied. She’ll be here until the 21st, I think.

Katie, Cliff, and Mia left today! I’m so sad. Katie has been such a stalwart support to me. I keep trying to remember that she and all the other kids have lost their mother and are suffering greatly because of that, but all they do is comfort me. I’m just overwhelmed by their love and concern, and Katie’s right at the head of that pack. I love you Katie! Thank you for caring more for me than you do for yourself. I miss you already.

Chris was here yesterday for the day and again today in the early afternoon. He was attending the funeral of a dear friend here in Las Vegas, so he took the opportunity to visit us too. Thanks, Chris!

My lonely moments continue to come regularly. There are so many things I want to talk with Shannon about. It’s absolutely killing me that that’s not possible.

Strangely, I have also been feeling like I’m living in Shannon’s house more than in my own place. Even though I know it’s our home, she created everything here and she put everything where it is and it’s an extension of her presence in a very real way. I’ve always loved living in her house, but for some reason, I currently feel kind of like a visitor. I’m sure I’ll get over it soon, but that’s a feeling I didn’t expect.

Katie gave me a card yesterday or the day before that Shannon had written and given to Katie sometime within the last couple of days before her death. I’m overwhelmed by it and so grateful to have it. The message is sweet and full of love. I’ll treasure it always.

Shannon also wrote me a Valentine’s Day card that Katie gave me this evening. I’ll open it on the 14th and feel her presence with me once more. How I miss her!

I guess I have nothing else to add tonight. Other family members continue to call. We’ve received several cards and electronic messages from family members and friends. I feel truly loved. Thank you to all.

See you tomorrow.

Here’s Shannon with the boys and me back on March 21, 2002. Katie was away at school, I imagine. Pretty nice-looking group, huh?

I’m so proud of my kids. I love each one of them. And I love my wife so much. How I miss her already.

It was another pleasant day at home with the kids. I don’t believe I cried today. There were a few moments of sadness, of course, but I don’t think I cried. I can’t think of anything in particular we did today other than sleeping in too late again and getting dinner at In-N-Out this evening. We also played a few games after dinner, which was fun.

Early Saturday morning, I take Andy to the airport. A few hours later, I take Paul and Melissa. I’m really going to miss those guys. Katie, Cliff, and Mia are staying a bit longer and my mom gets here on Sunday, so we’ll continue to have plenty of company. Which is still a good thing.

How my heart aches when I think of Shannon! I know it sounds silly, but I keep thinking of things I want to tell her. And I really want to just snuggle up and sleep with my arm around her once more. I’m hoping these feelings will fade a bit with time.

I’ve been working today on some of the business things that need to be taken care of, such as contacting the life insurance company. Not my favorite thing in the world, but it needs to get done. I still don’t have any copies of the official death certificate and nobody is likely to accomplish much until that happens, but I can at least get the process started.

It’s getting late already and I need to get going. Have a great weekend.

See you on Monday.